Tag Archives: journal

A Little Peek into Katherine

The following is excerpt from my work in progress “Wilstell Ferry River”.

(Please forgive the dialogue not being indented, I was having difficulty with formatting)

Ronan and Able were waiting for Liora in their favourite corner across from the pool table. This was the best place in the bar because you could see the whole club. Positioned up the back in the darker part of the room they remained unobserved, Ronan liked it, he usually worked behind the bar and tired of the constant attention of drunken women.

“You can’t help it can you? She’s the only one under your skin and she’s just not into you,” Able said. He smirked as he put his boot up on the empty chair opposite him.

 “You don’t know what she’s into or who’s into her, you might be surprised,” said Ronan.

“Well, it ain’t her husband that’s for sure cause she never seems to be home, Katherine spends more time here than anywhere else, on the prowl I’d say,” Able replied. He kicked the chair knocking it backwards. “Where’s my damn woman she’s never on time.”

“Hey babe, sorry I’m late,” said Liora. She sat quickly beside Able taking his hand. “What you been up too?”

“Laughing at Ronan making doe eyes at 68 over there. She’s way too much army for him anyway,” answered Abel.

“Hey Beth, do you want a drink? Jack and Coke?” Ronan asked. He always called her Beth if anyone else tried it Able would have knocked them out cold. Liora looked at Able and got an acknowledgement of approval before she replied.

“Yes thanks,” she answered.

Liora watched Katherine as she waited, she envied how strong the woman was. She was an army medic before getting out and marrying the bloke that currently bored her senseless. Liora was pretty sure she’d been to Iraq or Afghanistan and seen some heavy stuff go down, because she had a tough façade that no one seemed to be able to push through. It was this solemn pretence that made her so attractive to Ronan. Plus, the fact she had a husband, he always wanted what he couldn’t have. She looked across at Ronan who was tossing a pool table token in the air repeatedly still admiring Katherine.

“She makes me think GI Jane Barbie whenever I see her,” she said to Ronan.

Ronan nodded still throwing the token. “She so pretty and blonde and sweet looking like something out of a Victoria Secret catalogue until she opens her mouth,” he replied.

“Yeah, she opens her mouth and you’re like wait its bitch face Barbie,” Able laughed. He stood up taking the glass from Liora’s hand and putting it on the table as he pulled her by the arm to stand with him.

“We’re leaving now, I’ve had enough, see you later Ronan.”

Through who’s eyes?

It’s all about perspective…..

Which point of view should I write in? Should I write from only one characters point of view or several and if I choose only one then who? Third-person POV has a lot of positive press, cited as being adaptable to most forms of story telling and easier to use but there are different kinds of third person.

The three types I’ve been researching are OMNISCIENT the traditional approach where the narrator is all knowing, CINEMATIC where the narrator is detached from the characters, just observing like a camera and LIMITED is where the narrator is using only one character perspective to tell the story.

I like writing in first person but my researching seems to be pointing towards first person being great for short stories but not as efficient or flexible as third person, in particular third person limited. There’s advice that you should take some of your writing and write it in first-person POV then try third-person POV, read and decide which version enhances the feel of the story your telling. So I experimented with this…

“Clumsily pulling off one item of clothing at a time, I headed for the bathroom. Trembling and tired from sprinting the two kilometers home, my legs felt like jelly. I turned on the shower welcoming the calming sound of the water. Shaking lose my thick dark hair, long and wavy, tangled and unruly as always I pulled out the leaves and dried grass I could see. I barely ever brushed it, preferring to roughly pull it back or plait it. If it was clean, I was happy, right now it was anything but clean. Clumps of mud and leaves, sweat and possibly bugs were all through it.”

“Clumsily Liora Beth pulled off one item of clothing at a time, as she headed for the bathroom. Trembling and tired from sprinting the two kilometers home, her legs felt like jelly. Turning on the shower she welcomed the calming sound of the water. Shaking lose her thick dark hair, long and wavy, tangled and unruly as always she managed to pull out some grass and bits of dried leaf. Liora barely ever brushed it, preferring to roughly pull it back or plait it. If it was clean she was happy, right now it was anything but clean. Clumps of mud and leaves, sweat and possibly bugs were all through it.”

I think I prefer the first version, it feels more intimate, I feel what she feels. It probably also has a lot to do with my poor writing skill with third-person POV and inexperience as a writer generally. It all feels a little intimidating right now.. Hopefully the more I write the more familiar I’ll become with different styles of expression and story telling and gradually grow as an author.

Update

So I have written more of my book and realize that for me to be able to take my story where I want to go I need to write from other characters perspectives so I’m going to start writing in third person, I am going to write a few more chapters in third POV and then rewrite the first two that way also.